Deep Connections and Their Effect on Our Happiness

We are social creatures. We all crave that deep, meaningful connection portrayed in romantic movies. For many people, however, the bond isn’t happening. As desirable as it may be, why is a deep connection so difficult to get?

People want to feel loved but they can be afraid to open up. Relationship failures in the past, insecurities and the desire to impress can all stand in the way of a deep, meaningful connection through honest communication.

What does the deep connection depend on and how can it be accomplished? Emotional attraction is undeniably important but there are several other essentials.

The ABC's of Emotional Connections

Connecting on multiple levels with a partner is the key to a meaningful, satisfactory relationship. 

Each couple has managed to achieve certain types of connection to a particular degree. Emotional and sexual ties are obviously of uttermost importance for harmony and bliss. In order to feel 100 percent satisfied, however, people also need to click on an intellectual, lifestyle and even spiritual level.

The more ways in which people are capable of connecting, the more attached to each other they’re going to feel. Physical connection is the one that is easiest to establish. For many people, it’s an instant one. Naturally, getting a deep emotional connection is much more challenging. It involves opening up, sharing intimate information and getting the same from a partner.

Many of the connections develop with time. People get to “sync” with each other, overcoming the initial differences and boundaries to mutual happiness. In addition, the connection needed for happiness inside the relationship will be different for each person. Some may be happy to click emotionally with a partner, others will also look for full sexual compatibility and a deep intellectual connection.

Why Are Emotional Connections So Important

Several reasons determine why deep connections with others are so important for meaningful relationships.

• Acceptance: connecting to a partner on multiple levels creates a sense of complete acceptance. We all want to be accepted for who we are, even if we have shortcomings and imperfections.
• Belonging: the sense of belonging is very strong for people that get to connect to each other on multiple levels.
• Support: in their essence, deep emotional connections give us the support that we need to function and to feel satisfied. 
• Knowing that someone “gets you:” connecting to a partner makes you feel that you’re understood. People that have a deep emotional connection don’t even need to use verbal communication in order to understand each other.
• It’s the foundation of passion and chemistry: only a deep emotional and physical connection can create the type of intimacy that people are looking for. Clicking on an emotional level is one of the keys to an inspiring sex life because of the trust, acceptance and understanding (that come on top of the chemistry).

Building Deep Connections With Your Partner

Having chemistry with somebody is obviously important for feeling connected but there are several things you can do to build deeper, much more meaningful ties. In order to get the perfect relationship, you’ll have to open up. A little bit of vulnerability can help you go a long way.

1. Have deep conversations with each other.

Those early conversations till 5am, the ones during which you share all the details of your childhood, your teen years and your past relationships lay the foundations of a meaningful relationship.

2. Listen and be present.

Feeling connected isn’t just about opening up and sharing intimate information with a partner. It also involves a lot of listening. Be present during the conversations and pay attention to what your significant other is saying.

3. Find common interests and do things together.

Doing things together will help you learn about each other’s interests and the numerous things that you have in common. Take your time to participate in your significant other’s hobbies and favorite activities, even if you don’t feel particularly enthusiastic about those.

4. Accept the love that you’re receiving.

We all have perceptions and understandings of what love should look and feel life. Guess what, love is quite often everything that you haven’t imagined. Open your mind and stop expecting certain things from your partner. 

5. See conflict as something productive.

Even the happiest couples argue with each other. Arguments can be very productive. They reveal information about the passions, interests and pet peeves of people. Accept each other’s arguments and learn that disagreements will help you move forward. 

6. Apologize when you’re wrong.

Don’t hold on stubbornly to your point of view. Learn to apologize whenever you’ve made a mistake. Acknowledging your shortcomings will show your partner that you’re willing to work on imperfections and make compromises that will benefit both of you.

7. Learn from your partner.

Your partner can help you learn a lot about yourself and the world. Be open to these lessons!

When it’s right, you don’t have to work hard on making the connection happen. Still, an open mind and the desire to communicate with a partner can be particularly helpful. Enjoy the process of getting to know each other, listen and share. Very soon, you’ll feel the depth of the ties that you’ve managed to establish.

By Wilma Derksen, C.E.C., O.M.
Relationship Therapist