We are social creatures. We all crave that deep, meaningful connection portrayed in romantic movies. For many people, however, the bond isn’t happening. As desirable as it may be, why is a deep connection so difficult to get?
People want to feel loved but they can be afraid to open up. Relationship failures in the past, insecurities and the desire to impress can all stand in the way of a deep, meaningful connection through honest communication.
What does the deep connection depend on and how can it be accomplished? Emotional attraction is undeniably important but there are several other essentials.
The ABC's of Emotional Connections
Connecting on multiple levels with a partner is the key to a meaningful, satisfactory relationship.
Each couple has managed to achieve certain types of connection to a particular degree. Emotional and sexual ties are obviously of uttermost importance for harmony and bliss. In order to feel 100 percent satisfied, however, people also need to click on an intellectual, lifestyle and even spiritual level.
The more ways in which people are capable of connecting, the more attached to each other they’re going to feel. Physical connection is the one that is easiest to establish. For many people, it’s an instant one. Naturally, getting a deep emotional connection is much more challenging. It involves opening up, sharing intimate information and getting the same from a partner.
Many of the connections develop with time. People get to “sync” with each other, overcoming the initial differences and boundaries to mutual happiness. In addition, the connection needed for happiness inside the relationship will be different for each person. Some may be happy to click emotionally with a partner, others will also look for full sexual compatibility and a deep intellectual connection.
Why Are Emotional Connections So Important
Several reasons determine why deep connections with others are so important for meaningful relationships.
Building Deep Connections With Your Partner
Having chemistry with somebody is obviously important for feeling connected but there are several things you can do to build deeper, much more meaningful ties. In order to get the perfect relationship, you’ll have to open up. A little bit of vulnerability can help you go a long way.
1. Have deep conversations with each other.
Those early conversations till 5am, the ones during which you share all the details of your childhood, your teen years and your past relationships lay the foundations of a meaningful relationship.
2. Listen and be present.
Feeling connected isn’t just about opening up and sharing intimate information with a partner. It also involves a lot of listening. Be present during the conversations and pay attention to what your significant other is saying.
3. Find common interests and do things together.
Doing things together will help you learn about each other’s interests and the numerous things that you have in common. Take your time to participate in your significant other’s hobbies and favorite activities, even if you don’t feel particularly enthusiastic about those.
4. Accept the love that you’re receiving.
We all have perceptions and understandings of what love should look and feel life. Guess what, love is quite often everything that you haven’t imagined. Open your mind and stop expecting certain things from your partner.
5. See conflict as something productive.
Even the happiest couples argue with each other. Arguments can be very productive. They reveal information about the passions, interests and pet peeves of people. Accept each other’s arguments and learn that disagreements will help you move forward.
6. Apologize when you’re wrong.
Don’t hold on stubbornly to your point of view. Learn to apologize whenever you’ve made a mistake. Acknowledging your shortcomings will show your partner that you’re willing to work on imperfections and make compromises that will benefit both of you.
7. Learn from your partner.
Your partner can help you learn a lot about yourself and the world. Be open to these lessons!
When it’s right, you don’t have to work hard on making the connection happen. Still, an open mind and the desire to communicate with a partner can be particularly helpful. Enjoy the process of getting to know each other, listen and share. Very soon, you’ll feel the depth of the ties that you’ve managed to establish.
Nothing is more damaging to a relationship than betrayal. The anger, sadness, confusion and loss of trust are impossible for many people to overcome. In other instances, it will take lots of time and effort on behalf of both parties involved to make things better.
Are you concerned about the state of your relationship? Have you been betrayed by someone that you love dearly? Understanding the scope of betrayal and its effects will be the first step towards making an important decision about your future.
Types of Relationship Betrayal
Many people see cheating as the only form of betrayal. Dishonesty, however, could have numerous other shapes and forms. Non-sexual cheating can be as painful, as finding your partner in bed with somebody else.
Still, sexual betrayal is one of the most common types. Many couples go through it and it can shatter trust completely. This type of betrayal could simply be about sex but it could also be much deeper-rooted.
Emotional betrayal is even more damaging and heart-breaking than finding out that your partner is sleeping with somebody else. This is so because of the attachment to another person. If you find out that the individual you love is falling in love with somebody else, you’ll probably lose all hope in making things better.
There is even such a thing as financial betrayal. It happens when partners make money decisions together but one of the parties involved decides to “cheat.”
In all of these instances, the betrayal involves dishonest actions on behalf of one individual in an intimate relationship. Thus, betrayal can have many shapes. It can involve someone falling out of love but refraining to talk to a partner about it, someone sharing intimate secrets with third parties or making important decisions about the future without the involvement of a significant other.
Relationship betrayal is rather complex. The number of people who just wake up one day and decide to cheat on their partner is definitely limited. Time and the accumulation of disappointments (or poor communication) are often to blame:
Ways in Which Betrayal Affects a Relationship
Regardless of its type, betrayal affects a relationship in a detrimental way. Knowing that your partner was dishonest or that they looked for a connection elsewhere will leave you feeling empty, violated and dejected.
Betrayal will impact your perception of the relationship in several ways:
Getting Over It
Recovering from betrayal is usually a lengthy process. You’ll have to decide whether you’d like to work on what has been broken or move on without your partner. An honest conversation will be required. If both of you aren’t on board, it will be incredibly difficult to move on from there.
Talk to each other without blame or expectations. You can’t just blame your partner for what happened – it takes two people to build a relationship and two people to destroy it. Listen to what your partner has to say – you’ll get a better idea about what went wrong and why they sought proximity somewhere else.
Chances are that both of you are confused and both of you are experiencing strong emotions. Talk about those without analyzing, evaluating or seeking justification. Being patient and taking some time to figure out why your relationship has suffered could give you a second chance.
As the person that has experienced betrayal, you should avoid self-blame. Don’t put all of the blame on your partner, either. Figuring out who’s right and who’s wrong isn’t going to help you heal faster.
If you can’t handle things on your own, seek the assistance of a therapist. A marriage or relationship counselor will guide you through the process, enhance the communication and help you figure out whether you’d like to move on as a couple.
Does it feel like you and your partner are quarreling all the time? Think that it’s normal? Though clashes of personalities are essential for improving the relationship dynamics, you should know how to “fight.” Conflicts have to lead to resolutions and if this isn’t happening, you’re experiencing a problem.
For many people, relationship conflict resolution is a mission impossible. Stubbornness, emotional baggage and unrealistic expectations are all to blame.
So, are you letting fights destroy your romantic life? What are you fighting about most often? The answers to these questions can tell you a lot about the state that your relationship is in.
What Do Couples Fight About Most Often?
Most couples fight about the same things and certain issues make it very difficult to reach a mutually beneficial compromise. Some of the most controversial and challenging topics to tackle include:
Signs That Conflict Is Destroying Your Relationship
As already mentioned, conflict can lead to major improvements in your relationship. You, however, should know how to argue. Think about your own behavior and the reactions of your partner. Is any of the following taking place:
Tips For Effective Conflict Resolution
The willingness to work on conflict resolution and your love for a partner can lead to serious improvements. It’s very important to control your emotions and resist impulsive urges. Blurting out the first thing that comes to your mind when you’re angry isn’t going to be productive. Instead, try to listen and take some time to calm down.
Conflict isn’t bad and it isn’t a sign of relationship failure. Use this as an opportunity to get things better. Many couples play the blame game and point fingers at each other. Understand the fact that neither of you is right or wrong. You’re in it together and you should look for ways to make things better. Conflict resolution can be a bonding experience, if you put some effort in it.
Speak up and try to share what has gone wrong and how it’s made you feel. Allow your partner to respond before moving on. Acknowledge the fact that you understand each other’s point of view. It’s not only about listening – pay attention to body language and to the things that your partner isn’t saying.
Finally, learn to practice loving acceptance. Decide whether it’s a serious problem or just a disagreement. Agree to disagree with each other and don’t hold grudges. You’re two individuals and it’s impossible to see eye to eye on everything. That’s ok – in fact it makes the relationship more colorful!
Some couples “fight” like pros, others simply play a yelling game that doesn’t lead to anything. Conflict is important and conflict can be good. It’s up to you to use the opportunity in the most productive way.
Wilma Derksen, C.E.C., O.M.